The image of her body lying lifeless on the old bed in the school’s clinic flashed a hundred times in my eye. I felt numb . The only thing I could hear was the wicked “weesh” and “passhh” of Sir Collins bamboo stick cane as it beat the air nearby. He was breaking the fifth stick on someone’s body but his flogging victim was oddly silent. The image I couldn’t get out of my mind belonged to my little sister, Lovina. She’d been killed by my friends in the wee hours of that fateful day.
In our boarding school. In Aveenar Girls high.

How Do You Describe Lovina?

Lovina was not the typical innocent and naive little sister. She was stubborn as she was damn brilliant. People who knew us from home never failed to compare and rub it in my face about how smarter she seemed than I was.

She was vivacious, free spirited, loud and heck! She was smart mouthed. Her mouth landed her into trouble with the power obsessed senior girls in my class: Sharon, Yemi and Hikma. Especially Sharon.
These girls were my friends since JSS 1 but the moment my little sister gained admission to Aveenar girls high, years after our seemingly amazing friendship, I still had to fight for my space in the clique.
And to make sure my position in the Clique was safe, I had to choose between them and my sister.

What Did I Choose?

You know what I chose, of course. Well if you don’t, I chose friendship.
The day I flogged my sister mercilessly in the Junior girls dormitory because she had refused to fetch a pail of water for senior Sharon to wash her clothes, was the day I made known to her the side I chose.
I remember her words: “Sister Favour, I swear to almighty God of heaven and Earth, He’ll punish you for this”

I slapped her.

“You’re not my sister. You’ve turned to a devil”
I slapped her harder.
“Because Daddy is dead now and you know that I have no one to fight for me. You have become this beast because of your friends. I curse the day I became your sister”.
I broke the 25 diameter bamboo stick on her back.

That event sealed and swallowed up whatever we could have salvaged from our relationship. We practically lived as strangers in the same school until she was announced dead in the Assembly ground that morning.
I couldn’t believe it. I knew my friends killed her.

After the Clash

Even after my clash with her, they wouldn’t stop bullying her. My friends made sure that she always missed some of her meals in a day.
They assigned countless tasks to her and meted out dangerous punishments to her. I once overheard them talking about locking my sister for 6 straight hours in Yemi’s Cupboard after she refused to Iron their uniforms. Yes, I was going to report all that. I was about to open my mouth and speak to the principal during the assembly when I sighted my Mom from afar.

She was weeping terribly as she stood at the end of the assembly line.
I wanted to rush to hug her.
To cry with her and tell her that it’ll be alright. To tell her that I knew the people who had a hand in Lovina’s death.
At that time, I could only hear two things. Her painful sobs and the continuous wicked lashing of cane in the air.

Where the heck was the other sound coming from?
I saw my mom rush towards me and grab my shoulders “Favour ooo. You’ve killed me. You must kill me too. Why are you this wicked? Why would you do this to your own sister. Ewoo! Where do I run to? Who do I meet?”

My Mum Pulled At My Heart

She was already pulling at my hair when some teachers held her down to prevent causing more chaos.
I was perplexed but just then, the whole truth of events came rushing to me.
The continuous lashing of cane was never coming from a place near by. I was the flogging victim.

All the whipping landed on my body but I couldn’t feel a thing because I had successfully detached my mind away from body.

My offence? I killed Lovina!
I was the real culprit.
It wasn’t Sharon. Neither was it Yemi nor Hikma. I had always been the one bullying my sister since the event of her verbal attack on me.

However, my mind was playing tricks on me. To keep away the feeling of guilt, my mind had ceased all memory of my vehement attacks on Lovina.
I was the one who gave her countless tasks. Yes, I made her skip so many meals.
I was also the one who locked her up in Yemi’s wardrobe for 6 hours.

I Suffer From Multiple Personality Disorder

My brain nerves were shifting all the blame to my friends. I am suffering from “Dissociative Identity Disorder”, otherwise known as “Multiple Personality Disorder”. It was my way to escape the trauma of my dad’s death and Lovina’s verbal attack on me.

I couldn’t bear the guilt of being the demon who constantly bullied my sister. So I kept on doing it but never failed to apportion blame in my head to someone else.
Dissociative Identity Disorder is the worst kind of dissociative mental disorder. Most times, I wasn’t even aware of my actions. These changes in the split identities only lasted for minutes or hours.

To me, i never talked to my sister after that day when in reality, i actually did relate with her. To punish her.
I had strangled her that morning with a pillow in the school’s clinic because she didn’t report to me to do her chores the previous day. Apparently, she was in the school’s clinic because she was down with fever.

You may also like: What Happened in 1968?: Tales of the Nigerian-Biafran War

I didn’t know this was the case because even after months i kept denying being the cause of Lovina’s death. Our Vice principal had suggested a paid session with a psychiatrist. It was there and then I became fully aware about my actions.

What Do You Think Should Be My Fate?

I’m still undergoing treatments now but i still have to face a judge in the high court to decide my fate.
My mother doesn’t want anything to do with me anymore. My friends have all deserted me.

I only have you, dear reader, to believe me.
What do you think should be my fate? Do you think I’m innocent?

Writer: Ikharo Favour
Bayero University Kano, Nigeria.

Favour Ikharo is a vivacious and eccentric wordsmith. She uses her brain and pen tool to spin up content that drives you into a world of high quality, thought provoking content. You simply can’t blame gravity when you end up falling in love with her works and everything nice.